Chad’s Story: Putting Gratitude into Motion

Growing up around addiction, I saw the consequences affect members of my family and I swore I would never follow in their footsteps.  For the first 29 years of my life I did just that.  By all accounts I was living the American dream.  I had achieved financial success.  I had a great career, a house, a dog, a new truck, but I was never truly happy.  I had no idea that in a year’s time I would lose all of those things and nearly lose my life to addiction.  The progression was swift and the consequences were immense.  I lost all the material things; I destroyed friendships that meant so much to me; I lost my sanity and I nearly lost my life.

On December 22^nd, 2009 I was faced with a sobering reality. I realized I was that person you saw walking down the street arguing with himself.  I had been enslaved by the monster of addiction and for a brief moment a sense of clarity came over me and I realized that I was a robotic shell of my former self. It was at this time I knew I either had to face my addiction and get help or I would end what was left of my life.  At the time I have no idea why I chose to fight for my life and face the addiction head on, but I am very grateful today that I did.  The following day I checked into rehab with the help of a counselor from LA Gay and Lesbian Center.

Facing addiction was and is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do; little did I know that only a week later I would be dealt another blow.  On December 30^th, 2009, as a result of my behaviors in addiction, I was diagnosed with HIV.  I again was faced with a moment of clarity – either I face it head on or I give up and end it. The next week was really rough for me and I ended up leaving the rehab and using again.  The thoughts of suicide were all I could think of at the time. My mother, who was 700 miles away, knew that I was at the end of things and she never gave up on me. Somehow she convinced me to reach out to my family here in Illinois and less than 24 hours later I was on a flight here.

I left everything I knew behind in a desperate attempt to save what was left of my life.  I made the decision to face the fact that I was a drug addict who had lost everything and I now had HIV.  I knew I either faced it all 100% or I would fail and fall back into a personal hell I never want to experience again.  The journey has been rough and challenging. Each day I face fear and I do my best to live a new way of life.  Today I live my life full of gratitude.  When you are stripped down to nothing it’s amazing how much you find to be grateful for.  Each day that I wake up is a blessing and I try to live my life to the fullest every day.

For the first time in my life I feel like I have a purpose.  That purpose is to help others and give back what was so freely given to me, which was a chance at a new life.  Because of my experiences I am now uniquely qualified to help others.  I have compassion and empathy and I believe that I can take the things that many view as negatives, such as being an addict in recovery and having HIV, and I can rise above those things.  I can give back to the very communities that have helped me to save my life.  I am currently back in school studying Addiction studies and social work and I am doing HIV counseling and outreach.

I have also decided to challenge myself physically and run the Chicago Marathon and raise money for The AIDS Foundation of Chicago.  I have always wanted to give back to organizations such as Bonaventure House, Chicago House, and AFC which have been instrumental in my journey and I couldn’t think of a better way to do it.  That is why over the next several months I will train with The Team To End AIDS and push myself physically as well as raise money to support the AIDS Foundation of Chicago.    In order to be successful I need help from others in the community.  Please support me by going to http://afc.aidschicago.org/netcommunity/chadthendry

Thank you for helping me to put my gratitude into motion.

“What we do for ourselves dies with us.  What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” – Albert Pine

LaShelle’s Story: No More Chasing the Dragon

On December 1st, 2010, LaShelle, a resident of Bonaventure House, spoke at a World AIDS Day prayer service hosted by St Joseph’s Parish in partnership with Alexian Brothers Bonaventure House.

Hello, my name is LaShelle. I grew up on the west side of Chicago. I am one of many addicts in my family. I have been an addict for 28 years of my life. I am now a recovering addict with 23 months of continuous sobriety. I was in and out of jail for a majority of my adult life. I did not raise my kids because I was more interested in chasing the dragon. The dragon, for those folks not familiar with addiction and recovery, is the feeling you get the first time you get high and all the pain goes away – my life was devoted to chasing the dragon.

The reason I was more interested in getting high and staying high was because of the pain and mental anguish of being raped. My kids saw me high all the time, but I kept telling them, “I’ll stop one day” but my kids grew up and their momma was still getting high. The last time that I went to jail, I said “that’s it, I’m not doing this anymore” because I was looking at some big time in jail. It was during this last time when I went to jail that I found out I was HIV positive. I knew then and continue to believe that I cannot return to the life of using drugs. So I went into treatment and did what was asked of me to stay sober. After completing treatment I applied and was accepted to Bonaventure House. Since I’ve been there, one year this month, I have grown in many ways I never could have imagined. They have helped me a lot – they showed me how to be honest, respectful, and independent. They helped me to enroll in school so that I can get my GED. They helped me do all the things I wouldn’t do for myself if I was still on the street.

When my kids saw that I was real, my little girl wrote a paper during drug awareness week and the paper is about drugs and me. I would like to close by reading that letter.

Drug Awareness

Drug awareness week means a lot to me because I can personally relate to drug abuse. I mean not speaking of myself and using drugs, but a very close friend and relative of mine – my mother, LaShelle. My mother was a drug addict for many years and I thought this thing would never stop. Day after day I cried to myself, “When will my mother stop doing this to me and my brothers?” I would ask myself why she would do this to us. As I am her only daughter, I missed out on having a mother teach me to be a woman or do mother-daughter things with me. When she was using, I just saw her when I saw her. Through all of this though, there was never a day that I did not love my mom. I still defended her honor when people teased me about my mom being a “crack head,” I still told myself repeatedly “she’ll get clean.”

Then as I got older, my mom was still living her life and she had been through so much, moving from house to house (if not staying on the street), going to jail for months at a time, then the last time she went, she told herself and her kids no more of this lifestyle. Then she told us something that really hurt me because of the way she put it. She said, “Would y’all turn yo back on your mother?” The answer was of course, no. So she finally got herself clean and sober and it was then that she told us she had been diagnosed with HIV. I cried a lot of nights thinking about this. How and why did it have to happen to my mama? But she told us, “Don’t worry, I’m gonna be just fine.” I didn’t believe it when she proved it to me. She has been sober now for over a year. She takes care of herself. She keeps active and she could care less what other people say about her.

I am so proud of my mom! I never thought she would come through for us but she did and I hope she continues the good work!

Recovery Walk 2010

September is National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month, and on Saturday, staff, residents and volunteers of Bonaventure House joined together with South Side organizations and community leaders in the Recovery Walk at Washington Park.

With chants from the hundreds of walkers gathered, we walked for two miles bearing witness to the power of recovery.  People stopped to watch from their porches, cheer from their windows and slow down to honk their car horns. The mood was celebratory as walkers encouraged anyone who would listen, “Try Recovery!”

Since 93% of our residents have a history of substance abuse, Bonaventure House recognizes the importance of recovery support.  Our program includes recovery services and each of our case managers are certified Alcohol and Drug Counselors.

What does recovery mean to you?

Sharon’s Story

Sharon recently shared her story at a World AIDS Day tribute at Saint Peter’s Episcopal Church.

My name is Sharon Ryan and I want to start by thanking everybody for coming out tonight in support of those living with HIV/AIDS. I’m a resident at Alexian Brothers Bonaventure House, which is a two year, supportive transitional living environment that helps those who suffer with this chronic illness and are at risk of homelessness. I’m here to share some of my story. I’m here to tell you how my life was, how it became, and how it is now.  I need to reveal first of all though, that it’s hard for me to speak about myself in front of people. It’s hard for me to speak about anything, actually, in front of a large group of people. But since this subject matter is so close to my heart and since I’ve been personally impacted by this disease, I felt a need to overcome my fear of speaking and give this a shot. I also have some very persuasive people in my life who keep telling me I’ll do fine, so without further ado…

I was born and raised in Chicago and had a somewhat normal upbringing. I was taught right from wrong, good friends from bad, how to stand up for myself and how to avoid peer pressure. I was taught all about drugs and alcohol and sexually transmitted diseases. I knew my brain on drugs looked like a scrambled egg, I had met Officer Friendly several times, and I attended the mandatory sex education classes at my grammar school. Somehow, I still fell prey to the evils lurking out there, luring our youth into its life-altering grip.

I let my life slowly slip into the gutter, sooner than later not caring what became of me or my future. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the choices I made as a teenager would affect my life and my family’s lives for years to come. I dropped out of my freshman year of college and turned to a life of addiction. I did whatever I had to in order to feed that addiction, no matter who I had to hurt along the way and definitely not realizing, or maybe not even caring, that I was hurting myself.

In September, 2005, I received an AIDS diagnosis. Although I hadn’t been living the healthiest lifestyle, I was still shocked by the news and went completely numb for quite a while. My ignorance of the illness caused me to believe I would die, that the diagnosis might as well have been a death sentence. Over the next two years, I continued to live a completely destructive lifestyle, making some of the worst decisions of my life, all the while believing it definitely didn’t matter now because I was about to die anyway. I had been prescribed medicine at the time of my diagnosis, but I hadn’t been taking it. I weighed 96 pounds. My hair began to fall out from malnutrition. I was sleeping in parks and on the El trains. I had completely given up, and then my life was saved when I finally wound up in jail. I wish I knew what happened in there, because I would bottle it up and share it with anyone who’s going through what I was. But I had had enough. I finally decided that I couldn’t continue on like I had been- that my life was worth living and fighting for. And then I found Bonaventure House.

I had already made the decision to change, to become a productive member of society, but I had no idea how I was going to do it. I was homeless, I had this new criminal background, I hadn’t worked in years, my credit was horrible, and the list goes on and on. Luckily, I had the support of my family, but even they didn’t know how to help me. So I moved into Bonaventure House, somewhat skeptical, yet still hopeful. As open as I was to change, I was still stubborn. I wasn’t so receptive to having someone direct my life, but I had already made such a mess of it myself, I was willing to try a new perspective.  I found myself surrounded by peers dealing with the same issues that I was. I found myself surrounded by a caring, dedicated, and encouraging staff that were more knowledgeable than I was.

They offered a variety of services such as HIV support groups, occupational therapy, spiritual care, substance abuse counseling, and case management, as well as extracurricular activities to make sure that residents maintain a balance in our lives. I was given an individualized service plan, a personalized guide for me, based on my needs and wants, my personality, my goals, and my beliefs, with just a smidgen of regulation set forth by people who knew better than I did. I wasn’t just taught how to live again, I was shown. If it wasn’t for the open-door policy of every single staff member there and for my stern, yet supportive case manager, I wouldn’t be the strong, ambitious person I am today.

I’ve lived there for over a year and have less than that to go before I achieve my goal of becoming self-sufficient. I’m successfully completing the terms of my probation to be in full compliance with the courts. I’m working with lawyers recommended by staff to help fix my credit. I have a job, doing something I’m absolutely passionate about. I’m in college, determined to turn that job into a career. Most importantly, I’m in full control of my health, maintaining my medication and my relationships with my health-care providers to ensure that I’m alive and well to experience the success that I’m working so hard to attain. Four years ago I was convinced that AIDS had put me on my deathbed. Today I know that it was my ignorance and apathy that almost killed me.

I will forever be grateful to Bonaventure House and to people like each one of you for offering the support that changed a scared, unsure girl into a confident, optimistic woman. And on behalf of the people living with HIV/AIDS who are lost and about to find their way, I thank you.