Sharon recently shared her story at a World AIDS Day tribute at Saint Peter’s Episcopal Church.

My name is Sharon Ryan and I want to start by thanking everybody for coming out tonight in support of those living with HIV/AIDS. I’m a resident at Alexian Brothers Bonaventure House, which is a two year, supportive transitional living environment that helps those who suffer with this chronic illness and are at risk of homelessness. I’m here to share some of my story. I’m here to tell you how my life was, how it became, and how it is now.  I need to reveal first of all though, that it’s hard for me to speak about myself in front of people. It’s hard for me to speak about anything, actually, in front of a large group of people. But since this subject matter is so close to my heart and since I’ve been personally impacted by this disease, I felt a need to overcome my fear of speaking and give this a shot. I also have some very persuasive people in my life who keep telling me I’ll do fine, so without further ado…

I was born and raised in Chicago and had a somewhat normal upbringing. I was taught right from wrong, good friends from bad, how to stand up for myself and how to avoid peer pressure. I was taught all about drugs and alcohol and sexually transmitted diseases. I knew my brain on drugs looked like a scrambled egg, I had met Officer Friendly several times, and I attended the mandatory sex education classes at my grammar school. Somehow, I still fell prey to the evils lurking out there, luring our youth into its life-altering grip.

I let my life slowly slip into the gutter, sooner than later not caring what became of me or my future. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the choices I made as a teenager would affect my life and my family’s lives for years to come. I dropped out of my freshman year of college and turned to a life of addiction. I did whatever I had to in order to feed that addiction, no matter who I had to hurt along the way and definitely not realizing, or maybe not even caring, that I was hurting myself.

In September, 2005, I received an AIDS diagnosis. Although I hadn’t been living the healthiest lifestyle, I was still shocked by the news and went completely numb for quite a while. My ignorance of the illness caused me to believe I would die, that the diagnosis might as well have been a death sentence. Over the next two years, I continued to live a completely destructive lifestyle, making some of the worst decisions of my life, all the while believing it definitely didn’t matter now because I was about to die anyway. I had been prescribed medicine at the time of my diagnosis, but I hadn’t been taking it. I weighed 96 pounds. My hair began to fall out from malnutrition. I was sleeping in parks and on the El trains. I had completely given up, and then my life was saved when I finally wound up in jail. I wish I knew what happened in there, because I would bottle it up and share it with anyone who’s going through what I was. But I had had enough. I finally decided that I couldn’t continue on like I had been- that my life was worth living and fighting for. And then I found Bonaventure House.

I had already made the decision to change, to become a productive member of society, but I had no idea how I was going to do it. I was homeless, I had this new criminal background, I hadn’t worked in years, my credit was horrible, and the list goes on and on. Luckily, I had the support of my family, but even they didn’t know how to help me. So I moved into Bonaventure House, somewhat skeptical, yet still hopeful. As open as I was to change, I was still stubborn. I wasn’t so receptive to having someone direct my life, but I had already made such a mess of it myself, I was willing to try a new perspective.  I found myself surrounded by peers dealing with the same issues that I was. I found myself surrounded by a caring, dedicated, and encouraging staff that were more knowledgeable than I was.

They offered a variety of services such as HIV support groups, occupational therapy, spiritual care, substance abuse counseling, and case management, as well as extracurricular activities to make sure that residents maintain a balance in our lives. I was given an individualized service plan, a personalized guide for me, based on my needs and wants, my personality, my goals, and my beliefs, with just a smidgen of regulation set forth by people who knew better than I did. I wasn’t just taught how to live again, I was shown. If it wasn’t for the open-door policy of every single staff member there and for my stern, yet supportive case manager, I wouldn’t be the strong, ambitious person I am today.

I’ve lived there for over a year and have less than that to go before I achieve my goal of becoming self-sufficient. I’m successfully completing the terms of my probation to be in full compliance with the courts. I’m working with lawyers recommended by staff to help fix my credit. I have a job, doing something I’m absolutely passionate about. I’m in college, determined to turn that job into a career. Most importantly, I’m in full control of my health, maintaining my medication and my relationships with my health-care providers to ensure that I’m alive and well to experience the success that I’m working so hard to attain. Four years ago I was convinced that AIDS had put me on my deathbed. Today I know that it was my ignorance and apathy that almost killed me.

I will forever be grateful to Bonaventure House and to people like each one of you for offering the support that changed a scared, unsure girl into a confident, optimistic woman. And on behalf of the people living with HIV/AIDS who are lost and about to find their way, I thank you.

Here are some words our community came up with to complete the sentence: “AIDS ends when ____ begins.”

In preparation for World AIDS Day on December 1st, we are encouraging our friends, family, peers and leaders to think about the impact of HIV/AIDS in our communities.  Though great progress has been made in the last 20 years, we still have a long way to go in creating awareness, preventing transmission, treating, and caring for those who are affected by the HIV virus.

In the words of President Obama, spoken on World AIDS Day in 2007,

“We are all sick because of AIDS – and we are all tested by this crisis. It is a test not only of our willingness to respond, but of our ability to look past the artificial divisions and debates that have often shaped that response. When you go to places like Africa and you see this problem up close, you realize that it’s not a question of either treatment or prevention – or even what kind of prevention – it is all of the above. It is not an issue of either science or values – it is both. Yes, there must be more money spent on this disease. But there must also be a change in hearts and minds; in cultures and attitudes. Neither philanthropist nor scientist; neither government nor church, can solve this problem on their own – AIDS must be an all-hands-on-deck effort.” (For the whole text of the speech, go to http://aidsactivist.blogspot.com/2007/08/barack-obama-on-hivaids.html)

We want to make World AIDS Day 2009 an all-hands-on-deck effort!  To see a list of ABAM’s sponsored events in Chicago and Waukegan on December 1st, visit http://www.bonaventurehouse.org/WorldAIDSDay2009.  All events are free and open to the public, and we hope to see you there!

Feel free to add a comment with your own answer to “AIDS ends when ___ begins.”

My name is Bill Abitong.  I am presently residing at Bonaventure House, located at 825 West Wellington Avenue.  I always had a dream of one day becoming an author of my own book.  I truly believe that if we just trust and believe and turn it over to God (our Higher Power), everything is possible.  On October 19th, 2009, I authored my first book entitled It’s Like Life’s Mirror: If You Can See Things Clearly You Can Change Anything.  My book is about my tumultuous victory overcoming the horrors of living on the streets while being totally addicted to drugs, alcohol, and sex.  I overcame all addictions–drugs, alcohol, and sex–because of my strong will and determination to make profound and drastic changes after six years of a dark, addictive lifestyle.

Read my book to find out how you too can overcome these addictions no matter what obstacles or trial and tribulations come your way.  This book is truly life-changing, enhancing, and is truly an excellent book for any addict who is struggling to overcome all their addictions once and for all.  This book shows that it is possible to overcome anything if you are willing, open-minded, believing and trusting.  If you would like to read my book in its entirety, you can purchase or download it at http://tinyurl.com/yfsvlny.

Also, I will donate 50% of all funds generated from the sales of the book back to Bonaventure House.  I do this to show my gratitude and appreciation for the unconditional assistance that I have received and continue to receive throughout this two year transitional/sober living program.

Bill Abitong
Resident of Bonaventure House
set4life08 at gmail.com

P.S.  I truly encourage new residents and residents of either Bonaventure House or the Harbor to seriously “Hold fast to their dreams because if your dreams die–life is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly!”  So proceed on with what your dream in life is no matter what.  Just allow the God within you to show its magic by simply surrendering it all to the God of your understanding. Just trust and believe that your dream will come true, and you will be very amazed at the results.

The Man and the Butterfly
Author Unknown

One day a small opening appeared on a cocoon. A man sat and waited by the butterfly as it struggled to get out of the cocoon, as it forced its body through the newly formed little hole. Then it seemed to stop making progress.

It appeared to the man to have gotten as far as it could. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped through the remaining cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, though it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand and would be able to support the body that would contract in time. But to his surprise, neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with the swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness did not understand was that the struggle was required for that butterfly to get through the tiny opening in its restrictive cocoon. This process was nature’s way of forcing the fluid from the body into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Here at ABAM, we are all transforming from caterpillars into butterflies. Each of us is trying to make our way out of our own cocoons. Just like no single caterpillar or butterfly is the same, neither are any two human transformations. We provide strength and encouragement for each other, but we also know the boundaries. It is essential to accept the fact that support and encouragement can go so far, but it is ultimately ourselves who have to break through the cocoon. No one else can do this for us. Yes, we may have to struggle and it may be unbearable at times. But it is through these struggles and hurts where we truly learn to fly.

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

Krystle Powell is a participant in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps working as the Jesuit Spiritual Care Associate at Alexian Brothers AIDS Ministry in their Spiritual Care department.

Here’s a “by the numbers” report of our participation in the AIDS Run & Walk in Chicago on October 3rd, 2009:

• 127 walkers for Team ABAM! (56 ABAM + 6 AGLO Chicago + 65 Queen of Peace High School)
• 23 residents or former residents on the team
• 2 trips, 3 phone calls, and 2 emails to sort out our team packet pickup
• 37 items on the checklist of supplies to bring
• 150 bagels donated by Einstein’s
• 3 tubs of cream cheese
• 2 cartons of coffee
• 45 degrees at 8 a.m. (brrr!)
• 500 (or so) event volunteers wearing the same color t-shirts as Team ABAM (oops)
• 5 kilometers (3.1 miles) walked or run along the lakefront
• 20 different groups of entertainers throughout the morning
• 3,000 (or more) total walkers – a 30% increase from last year!
• 0 inches of rain until it was all over (phew!)
• $15,000 raised to support our transformational mission!

Thanks to all who participated in this event by running, walking, volunteering, or donating! You can view some photos on our Facebook fan page.  It was a huge success, and we hope to see you again next year.

-DP

Devon Parish is the Outreach Coordinator at Alexian Brothers AIDS Ministry.  Her job is to bring folks into partnership with the organization through things like education, special events, and…blogging!  She also loves music, dance, hot beverages and hikes of all varieties.

BAKING A CAKE

A very ill little boy was telling his Grandma how “everything” was going wrong…school was too hard, family problems other than his illness, his severe pain, just all the hardships he was going through. Meanwhile, Grandma was baking a cake. She asked the child if he would like a snack, and of course he said “yes.”

“Here, have some cooking oil.”
“Yuck,” said the boy.
“How about a couple of raw eggs?”
“Gross, Grandma.”
“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?”
“Grandma, those are all yucky!”
To which the Grandma replied: “Yes, Sweetheart, those things seem bad all by themselves. But, when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times, but, God knows that, when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him, and, eventually the yucky stuff will make of our lives something wonderful!”

–Anonymous

How many times a day do we sit and complain to others about the messes our lives are?  We can always see the negative things that we believe are happening in our lives. We think that everything is in turmoil and we are trying desperately to control everything and make things right again. We don’t want the messy things like oil and raw eggs in our lives.  We spend so much time trying to clean up the mess and cook the eggs that sometimes we miss the point.

What if we stopped trying so hard to control everything?

What if we dropped all the ingredients and just said, “God, really I don’t understand what’s going on here. I don’t know what you expect me to do with this mess of ingredients. Help me to understand and to make something out of this.”

Maybe then we would understand that oil and eggs and all the other messy ingredients have something in common, and just maybe with God’s help we can turn these ingredients into something wonderful, beautiful, and useful, like a cake!

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”

Krystle Powell is a participant in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps working as the Jesuit Spiritual Care Associate at Alexian Brothers AIDS Ministry in their Spiritual Care department.

Last Saturday, eight students from the Illinois Institute of Technology (IIT) sacrificed part of their first weekend of the school year to volunteer at Bonaventure House. As a part of IIT’s all-school Day of Service, students were encouraged to pick one of several volunteer sites all across Chicago. The group that came to Bonavenure House made one of the longest treks from IIT’s Bronzeville campus. All of the students were first-time volunteers with Alexian Brothers AIDS Ministry, and many of them introduced themselves as Engineering majors or Master’s students.

Not surprisingly, they were way overqualified for the tasks we had prepared for them, but they seemed more than willing to pick up some tools and get their hands dirty.  One group headed outside, Windex-in-hand, to clean first floor windows. Another was handed a hefty weeding project out front, and a third came down to the basement Workout Room to scrape some chipping paint.  Over the course of the day, they also managed to scrub down the wallpaper in two hallways and do a deep clean of the kitchen floor.  These were all tasks that had not been done in quite a long time.

Though perhaps not the most fun jobs, I hope I can speak for the IIT students in saying that they were rewarding projects.  Our weeded front garden looks clean and well-tended, our windows and walls are shiny and smudge-free, our kitchen floor is good as new, and our basement is on its way to being painted and refurbished.  The more we can do to improve the facilities and environment of Bonaventure House, the more we honor the dignity of those who reside here.  Thanks again to the IIT students for their hard work, and we hope to see many more students offer their time and talents to help those in need, even if it means scraping paint and pulling weeds!

-DP

Devon Parish is the Outreach Coordinator at Alexian Brothers AIDS Ministry.  Her job is to bring folks into partnership with the organization through things like education, special events, and…blogging!  She also loves music, dance, hot beverages and hikes of all varieties.

The Harbor is Alexian Brothers AIDS Ministry’s facility in Waukegan. Every year, it invites the public to a garden party to celebrate The Harbor’s mission. This year’s garden party was held Saturday, August 22.

This is the inaugural post of Alexian Brothers AIDS Ministry’s new blog!

We are excited to add the many voices of our residents, staff, volunteers, committee members, board members and friends to this worldwide conversation.

From big annual events, to moments of the daily grind, to long-term struggles and goals, we hope this blog will be an open forum for sharing a different side of who we are – both as an organization and as a community of individuals.

In the words of writer Alice Walker,

“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”

Let us speak, and through that, grow!  Happy blogging…
-DP

Devon Parish is the Outreach Coordinator at Alexian Brothers AIDS Ministry.  Her job is to bring folks into partnership with the organization through things like education, special events, and…blogging!  She also loves music, dance, hot beverages and hikes of all varieties.